21 Pilots got it right

I want to write

But I’m told I have to make money

I want to cook

But I’m told I have to make money

I want to be left alone

But I’m told I have to make money

21 Pilots got it right

When they sang about waking up

You need to make money

That’s all anyone cares about anymore

Money for this

Money for that





A Confession of sorts

I was thinking a couple days ago at work about why I am the way I am (not overly feminine in the conventional, American mainstream sense and come off more masculine) and thus came to mind because of the conversation flow at work. If you work at 5 in the morning like I do, conversations have no boundaries really.

I have one brother and I remember more quality time with my father than with my mother: more days out, more conversation, etc. My mother and I did have time together but it wasn’t as often and even though my dad worked more than one job I remember him just being around the house more. Not only that he was and remains my more approachable parent. Also growing up there weren’t any kids close to my brother’s and my age in my neighborhood never mind girls my own age. Sure I played with dolls, but most of my play time was spent with my brother and most often the shows I watched were about strong, masculine characters.

So in short, I what femininity I was exposed to had this overt (covert at the time I was growing up but I realize it now) hyper masculine lense and framework to view femininity through. I thought it was NORMAL for a girl to be so tomboyish. I thought it was okay for a girl to have short hair (but that was before I got lice early in elementary school and was actually laughed at and teased horribly for having such short hair).  However, going to school and the media quickly and harshly disabused me of that notion. Media has pretty much subliminally told me all my life that I am almost “destined” to be a lesbian because of this mental framework that has developed.

I don’t really have a reason for sharing this other than it will bother me if I don’t get some form of physical form of this thought out on paper so to speak.

A rant about clothes

So I’ve been working at Old Navy for about a month and a half now and I’ve noticed some things that spark my at times not so inner equality rights ally in me.

Now I know that these are clothes and the clothes themselves hold no particular semiotic meaning, but we as humans find meaning in a lot of seemingly arbitrary and mundane things. These things can spark such thoughts as I’m about to share.

First, the jeans/denim whichever you prefer as I will probably use them interchangeably, the women’s and kids (I was going to say just girls but the boys denim also uses the same numbers). Young, prepubescent, adolescent, and adult females all for the most part have have different size hip to waist ratios and logically it can be said the same of young, prepubescent and adolescent males. So why the universal numbers? Why not use the waist to hip that the “men’s” denim uses? Business practicality? I’m not so sure because I know that my hips are not the same as a seven year old or even a 14 year old, male or female so again I ask why the same numbers? Media aimed at children is already getting them to think about what they’ll do when they’re adults so why should their clothes do the same thing? Or on the flip side for adult females. I fully understand that the girls denim is in the girls department, but say what if I have a daughter and we happen to wear the same number? My ten will be a very different ten than hers obviously. This is my point: either adult females are meant to be “timeless/ageless” and still feel like/look like that adolescent they once were or young prepubescent and adolescent females are meant to feel like their adult mothers, sisters, and/or cousins/aunts, i.e. grow up as soon as you can.

Up till now I’ve left the boys out which I didn’t actually think about until I started writing this. Maybe it’s to have some solidarity with girls? I will have to think more on that.

The other thing that got me thinking was a pair of shirts: one a girls shirt and the other a boys shirt. The boys shirt had that age old patriarchal blessing, “boys will be boys,” and the girls shirt had hearts: some filled in and others not, but it was the “yes, no, and maybe” that got me. I really don’t like the former because to me that little ditty tells children that boys don’t and won’t take responsibility for their own choices; that others, namely girls and later adult women, will bear the consequences and responsibility. That is not right at all. Every individual ever should bear the consequences of their own choices. I should bear mine, Trump should bear his, etc. But to say that “boys will be boys” really goes against that. The heart shirt bothered me because when I saw it, I wondered “what yes/no question(s) is/are being asked here? But I suppose that shirt also “shows” that for whatever reason young females aren’t really allowed one, straightforward answer. At least that’s what I am inferring.